A Career Come and Gone (Part Six)

Posted September 5, 2014 by John Henry Rombough-Davie aka The Dreamer

I have been struggling this past while with such things as rejection, an example of this is having been denied a spot at camp this year. I applied to go as a staff volunteer and found myself sending the camp an apology letter for my abruptness when I initially got the news. Others were seeing this behavioral change and suggested the following:

Conflict Check In:

Point 1
Take five deep, slow, long breaths
John’s take on it - Helps to relax, withdraw momentarily from the situation, and helps keep composure

Point 2
Sleep on it! Do not respond at least until tomorrow
John’s take on it – Allows for time to analyze what just happened and provide the necessary time to refocus

Point 3
What did I just hear/read?
John’s take on it - Simply being human and involvement with other people can influence our judgment; misinterpretation could prevent the delivery of the true message

Point 4
Why am I feeling prickly?

John’s take on it – Something has just occurred and it’s making me feel a little uneasy. Would it have been a choice of words I used, or was I feeling too strong about something that I’m not allowing for changes to be considered?

Point 5
Does it really mean what I think it means?
John’s take on it – Am I so focused on believing in a certain way, that it’s preventing me from seeing things from another perspective?

Point 6
Maybe I need to say it out loud to myself before responding…
John’s take on it – Re-analyze in your own head what was just said, explain it out loud to yourself and look for any signs that might trigger a negative response and act accordingly

Point 7
Maybe I have to talk this through with someone else before responding…
John’s take on it – Requesting additional feedback will help to understand another person’s reasoning

Point 8
Is there anything negative in this scenario that I may have caused?
John’s take on it – Did I just attack someone’s theory or belief on something?

Point 9
If I blast the person, what will that solve?
John’s take on it – Do I honestly feel things will stay the same between us and allow for constructive dialogue afterwards?

Point 10
If I blast the person, what will that harm?
John - Any future interactions will likely be negative with that person, it will create friction and inhibit any further growth in our relationship

Point 11
How could I improve the situation for myself?
John’s take on it – Be open to suggestions, provide the space for changes and remain diligent

I’d like to say that having put myself through the above process has helped me to be able to apologize for certain events that have unfolded in my life lately. Again, I realized that I have a hard time with accepting rejection, even when it is specified in a caring manner. I suppose this is due to a variety of circumstances that have unfolded throughout my life. I’ve always felt that because I was trying my hardest to always achieve my goals, I was safe to assume.

 

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